“You don’t need to shout if you use the right words”
It’s obvious that whoever said that never had children.
Most yell days are roused by school grades. I should be thankful, it could be worse. Today was another day of yell. My husband and I have feuded with “17” most of his academic life. Perhaps you have one of these kids, too? The kind that thinks school is for dummies, homework is redundant, tests are mundane, and reading books, especially those written by dead people, is indeed a roadmap to Loserville.
“17” is a bright child, and I’m not just saying that because I’m his mom. We have scores to prove it. So there. As is typical with a bright child, “17” can pick up an instrument of choice and play, by ear no less, till the sun no longer shines. That’s his passion; his groove. I’m confident he inherited this from me, but that’s not the point.
It’s the ultimate let-down when, as parents, you have done everything you possibly can to force-feed motivation to your child- from verbal cues, to tutors, to teacher conferences (God bless their souls!), to psychologists, to physicians, to reward systems, to removal of privileges, to threats of bodily harm. Nope, “17” is going to be a Rock Star when he grows up. He doesn’t need English (actually, that's kind of true if evidenced by current pop culture). He’d drop out of school today and join a traveling band if I’d give a thumbs up.
I shamefully admit, high school was rarely a challenge for me. I was given the work and did it well, when I wasn’t being reprimanded for talking (or painting my fingernails). I not only understood the mechanics of Chemistry and Algebra, but they were my favorites. But then at some point I became bored, I wasn’t challenged, I didn’t see the point, I had better things to do than to sit in a classroom, and nearly failed out of 11th grade because of my apathy (among other things, but those will lead me on another tangent and I’ll never finish this post.) So I "get" where he’s coming from. I do.
But this is my kid we're talking about! This can’t happen! Not on my watch!
As a parent, you shudder at visions of your soon-to-be vagabond adult child wandering the streets (of Chicago, in a recession, with gangstas, and a machete) and just know his “situation” is a direct result of something you failed to do during his upbringing. It’s all your fault. If only there were a guarantee that that special spark will appear sooner rather than later, letting you know that your child now “gets it” and will become a successful, responsible adult. That spark hasn’t enveloped “17” just yet, so today, all I can do is yell. It does nothing for him, but it sure makes me feel like I've done something.
Which brings me to this article on a proposal in WV to raise the dropout age in order to decrease the number of dropouts:
Lowering West Virginia's high school dropout rate could be as simple as raising the age at which students can leave school from 16 to 17, lawmakers heard Tuesday.Not sure it will do anything for students, but it might make lawmakers feel better anyway. Hmmm.
Posts
(((Hugs))) You are a great mom but I can totally understand how you feel taking all your kids issues onto yourself. I am also a yeller, I hate it but it's the way I am.
ReplyDeleteI wonder about the changing the dropout age if it wouldn't make kids think heck it is just 1 more year and go ahead and finish.