On Civil Debate

In participating in online debates over the past decade, I have learned that there are a few lines that are not crossed if your purpose is to engage in ideological dialogue as opposed to simply needing to be the resident authoritarian. I’m supposing these tactics especially bother me or grab my attention more than others because I’m a mom and it goes against everything I try to teach my children. One is, of course, name-calling:

“You’re an idiot”

“You are talking out of your arse”

“You people are just a bunch of sheep”

At this point, the participant is lost. The issue becomes the name-calling, not the value of the dialogue itself. When this occurs, all that comes to my mind are listening to my children bickering and calling each other names and me yelling “just stop, just stop, JUST STOPPPPP!!! You’re brothers; you don’t treat each other this way!” Have you been there?

Perhaps the crossed line that prompts my eyes to roll the most is the coy degradation of other's intellect, which seems to have become the rule rather than the exception:

To understand issues the correct way (aka MY way) “requires an education and logic”

In other words, you can’t possibly lend any value to society if your travel count on the atlas is less than 5, you don’t hold certain graduate degrees, or if you were educated outside of the public school system. (If you’re a Washington politician sending your children to private school, you’re ok.) Unless all of the above is true, your opinion does not matter; you are but a serf who requires my protection.

To understand issues the correct way (aka MY way) “requires an open mind”

In other words, only YOU must open your mind, but not me. You close your mind to your way of thinking and join me and my closed-mindedness over here. Then we can all have the same mind together and live in harmony. And here I've always thought it a good thing that we didn't all think the same way.

To understand issues the correct way (aka MY way) “requires one to be non-obstructionist”

In other words, only when MY politicians are in power should you not attempt to obstruct. When YOUR guys are in power, obstruct away, and please, don’t hold back.

And I love- JUST LOVE- this one.

“You just don’t like him because he’s a black man.”

Republicans are defiant against Obama’s policies, but not because he’s black. Democrats were vehemently defiant against Bush’s policies, but not because he’s white. Maybe because he’s a Christian, but not because he’s white.     See my point?

In my opinion, all of the above is arrogance and self-importance at its finest, and until someone is able to compel me to believe this is proper civil discourse when discussing very real, very serious policy implications, I’ll have none of it thankyouverymuch.

Appeal to me, make reasonable arguments, critique the policies rather than the person, demonstrate to me your ideas in practice, show me you value my input as your equal, and if all else fails, agree to disagree in a responsible way.

To be sure, what will not work is calling me an uneducated, redneck, idiot follower who talks out of my arse, refuses to open my mind, and opposes any agenda of our President simply because he’s a black man. I can only believe that these arguments are made simply because the speaker just needs to “win”. If we can’t get ‘em on principles by Gawd, we'll just get 'em on their character; their self-worth.  Bully the shit out of 'em.

I read this comment from a discussion board and chuckled:

"Do you ever wonder if they think we're as batshit crazy as we think THEY are?"

Yes! Yes, I know ‘they’ do! No one party owns the monopoly here. I’m glad someone else sees it and is at least honest in calling it out.

Random thoughts

I haven't felt like writing lately.

That might have something to do with painting my bedroom, which is enormous. Or so it seems when you're the one painting, right?  But it's finally done with a little help from my husband, and he didn't even whine about it.  Much.

I'm also in a funk because there were issues with the former name of my blog that "may cause confusion with its affiliation" with a left-leaning political blog.  Ambiguous at best, but seriously?  Those open-minded democrats will do anything to shut a person up who is not in think-sync.  Kidding, really, just throwing the words back I've heard thrown towards the close-minded republicans over and over (and over) again. 

Something I'm not in a funk about is a little project I'm working on for my parents' birthdays which are coming up in April.  Sshhhhh.....no more on that.  I'll post pics if it's a success (after their birthdays, duh).  If you never hear me speak of it again, you know I did something wrong and am too ashamed to admit it in public.

I'm working on a more serious blog post than this one; one that is very important to me regarding public civility and decorum and general etiquette in politics. However, I may never get to it because of my mother-in-law.  Don't worry, it's a good thing.

My mother-in-law is being referred to as Her Awesomeness today.  Why?  Because "10" began the evening, (just as I sat down at my pc to blog, naturally) with the question of "What's the difference between Catholicism, Christianity, and Judaism?"  Is he for real?  Does he have to ask this right now?

My explanation to him was like Wheel of Fortune, I swear.  It's much harder to answer when you're the on the spot like that.  I passed that test, however.....as typically does with young children, that question sparked another question, sparked another question, and so forth.  I poked my husband in the side letting him know it was his turn. Yet he laughed at me.  Actually, it was more like he was already laughing at me, so I punched him in the ribs.

Then I remembered.  Her Awesomeness gave "17" and "15" a book a long time ago called "200 Questions Children Ask About God and The Bible".  I suggested it to "10" who quickly turned his nose up at it, yet his eyes grew ever so large when he started reading the lists of questions in the table of contents, such as "Will I get to visit Grandpa in heaven?" or "Why do we squish spiders when God made them?".  You want this book now, don't you? 

I will forewarn you, this book does open the door for further discussion, so don't think you're completely off the hook now.  For example, "10" just asked me another question, of which I answered, of which he then dictated to me the "correct" response from the book (because my answer was lame and I don't know what I'm talking about, apparently).  Great.  Mother-in-law achieves nobility status for her contributions to the discussion, and I'm relegated to the town dummy.

Probably a good time to go write that next blog post, ya think?

Saturday Showcase

This photo was taken at one of my nephew's birthday parties several years back.  It was Showcase-selected because my mom looks particularly happy to be there, Steve is wearing something other than a Dolphins tshirt (though does it really count when he wears an FSU shirt instead?), but most importantly, my step-dad (God love him) is wearing what is the main point of this post.

I have what I call "Outfit OCD".  I've been that way for most of my life, and after thinking long and hard about why this is I remember back to elementary school and a friend of mine named Chris.

Our class was doing a Disco Dance performance for some event at school, we had practices, and what I "understood" versus what was true was that each practice was a dress rehearsal.  Naturally, I could never remember which days were practice days, so as we were nearing the performance date, I suppose I figured it was a swell idea to wear my Disco Dress to school every single day till showtime.  Assuming an intervention was necessary, Chris, my dance partner, pulled me aside and said, "Sheri, you don't need to wear that dress every.single.day."

That was all it took.  To this day, my dear friend Chris, I have issues with wearing the same outfit twice, and it's all your fault.

Certainly it's just not practical to wear clothing once, then toss it in the recycle bin.  So I actually *do* wear things more than once.  With that said, I can't attend any kind of event without first considering what I wore the last time.  Sick, isn't it? I'm totally with you.  Ironically enough, no matter how hard I try, the only photos ever taken of me would lead the viewer to conclude that I own a mere 3 shirts, 1 pair of capris, and the same black flip-flops.  Nothing else.  It catapults my Outfit OCD to a whole new level. 

So why this photo?  My step-dad, as well as my husband, but especially my step-dad, needs a new shirt.  I've seen this floral number so many times that every last detail has a permanent imprint on my brain. I've given him so many gift shirts over the years.  Surely there's another option.  Mom, if you're reading this, please please please sneak into his closet tonight and steal this shirt away.  Go ahead and burn it, no one at Goodwill is gonna want to wear it.  And while you're at it, remember when you asked for Steve's birthday gift ideas?  A new shirt, but please mother please, skip the Dolphins and Seminoles this time.

Thoughts on my 20 year reunion

The above photo was taken at my high school graduation, June, 20 years ago. That’s me on the left there, and one of my oldest friends, Jenn, on the right. I chose this photo instead of my traditional senior photo for a couple of reasons. 1.) Someone had already posted it on Facebook so it was easy to access, and 2.) My senior photo was ATROCIOUS. I know what you’re saying; we all looked bad back then with the big hair and White Rain residue, but really, mine was ATROCIOUS.

I had forgotten about senior photo day until an hour before I was scheduled to be in front of the camera. It was on a Saturday, I had stayed out late the night before, and truthfully, what teenager remembers she is supposed to show up at school on a Saturday? I clearly remember my hair not working out. I had washed it, which was absolutely a no-no if your goal was optimal teasing power. The bangs were falling, and the sides puffed out like a mushroom cloud. With my round face? Oh my.

To compensate for the bad hair, I guess I decided it would be a good idea to double-duty the black eyeliner. Normally it would have been blue or teal or purple with matching mascara, but it was photo day, after all. Thank God I didn’t have to pick out my own clothes or I’d have never made it. Actually… that might have been my saving grace. I obviously made my appointment in time, threw on my black robe and smiled the shittiest smile I’ve ever seen. I was Goth before Goth was cool, I reckon. I hated that photo. I still hate it, 20 years later.

And just as luck would have it, when I arrived at my 10-year HS reunion, I was handed a name tag with that picture, large enough in size to be seen from the bottommost bottom of the Grand Freaking Canyon. Oh yes, I get to ressurect that old picture for my old friends again, and now their spouses get to see it, too! Go me!

To be sure, this photo will surface somehow again this year when I attend my 20th HS reunion. This means I’ll need to make some minor adjustments to compensate, again, just not with black eyeliner this time. Thankfully it’s not till October, so there’s plenty of time for preparation. To detract from the picture from hell I will:

-schedule a really good haircut, color, and keratin straightener. Decide it’s too short and go in again for extensions.

-schedule Botox for the potholes and trenches (more polite company would suggest fine lines and wrinkles, but who are we kidding?)

-schedule lipo for the arms, tummy, and legs. Remember to ask if the leftovers can all be deposited into my butt because I still don’t have one of those.

-schedule a full facial at least 3 months in advance because I break out like the measles immediately afterwards every.single.time. Go figure that one. Will also need a full facial wax (whoever said “just be thankful they’re blonde hairs” seriously needs to lay off the glass-half-full crap).

-figure between the skin doc and the Botox doc, one of them can fix the ‘mommy brows that are permanently furrowed’ so I don’t look like I’m constantly pissed off at everyone and have to explain.

-Finally, go shopping for something other than a black robe. Preferably something fitted, but not too; something trendy, but not too; something bold and bright, but not too; and something that makes me look like I’m smoking hot for my age, but not too. I know, I’m totally screwed, right?

Yep, I figure after all this planning, all this preparation, all this perseverance (!!!!) I’ll stand once again with my classmates, all dolled up and ready for my new picture, looking a little something like this: (scroll down)

Tea Party 'Contract From America'

The Tea Party Patriots will be unveiling their 'Contract From America' this week, asking activists to vote on potential inclusions such as the following line items:

1. Amending the constitution to require a balanced budget and a two-thirds majority for any tax hike.

2. Permanently repealing all tax hikes scheduled to begin in 2011.

3. Requiring every bill in Congress to be made public seven days before any vote can be taken and all government expenditures authorized by any bill to be easily accessible on the Internet before the money is spent.

4. Requiring each bill to identify the specific provision of the Constitution that gives Congress the power to do what the bill does.

5. Permitting all health insurance plans to be sold anywhere in the United States through the purchase of insurance across state lines. Allow small businesses and associations to pool together across state lines to buy insurance.

6. Adopting a simple and fair single-rate tax system by scrapping the internal revenue code and “replacing it with one that is no longer than 4,543 words — the length of the original Constitution.”

7. Imposing a statutory cap limiting the annual growth in total federal spending to the sum of inflation rate plus the percentage of population growth.

8. Allowing Americans to opt out of Social Security and Medicare and instead put those same payroll taxes in a personal account “they own, control and can leave to whomever they choose.”

9. Preventing any regulation or tax on the Internet.

10. Improving education by eliminating ineffective and wasteful programs, giving parents more choices from pre-school to high school and improving the affordability of higher education.

11. Authorizing the exploration of proven energy reserves to reduce our dependence on foreign energy sources from unstable countries and reduce regulatory barriers to all other forms of energy creation, lowering prices and creating competition.

12. Prohibiting the Federal Communications Commission from using funds to reinstate the Fairness Doctrine.

13. Creating a Blue Ribbon task force that engages in a complete audit of federal agencies and programs.

14. Blocking state and local governments that receive federal grants from exercising eminent domain over private property for the primary purpose of economic development or enhancement of tax revenues.

15. Preventing the EPA from implementing costly new regulations.

16. Placing a moratorium on all earmarks until the process is fully transparent. Also requiring a two-thirds majority to pass any earmark.

17. Making all lawmaking regulators, including presidential appointed czars, be affirmatively approved by Congress and signed into law by the president.
18. Audit the Federal Reserve System.

19. Making sure the federal government does not bail out private companies. The government should also immediately divest itself of its stake in the private companies it owns from recent bailouts.

20. Amending the constitution to require congressional term limits. No person shall be elected to the Senate more than twice or to the House of Representatives more than four times.

21. Making all regulations “sunset” after 10 years unless renewed by congressional vote.

22. Broadcasting all non-security meetings and votes on C-SPAN and the Internet.

And to think that for months the public has been led believe that Tea-Partiers were just a bowl of Fruit Loops! They sound pretty damn American to me!

Just not fun

I'm thinking this is just not fun talking to myself LOL so I will spend today pondering over whether or not to continue.  It might be a good time to join another debate forum?

The Backpack

We’ve taught our children all their lives that nothing is free, and if they haven’t earned something, they don’t deserve it, and if they are given something, they should darn well show they appreciate it. We’ve stressed the need to work hard, make good grades, get an advanced degree, and a well-paying career or business venture. Don’t buy a house before having plenty of savings in the bank, don’t get married before buying a house, and don’t have children before getting married.


My little Capitalist, “15”, is probably the only of the 3 that truly understands this. Rather than just hearing the lectures as lectures, the fundamentals have taken hold.

So it shouldn’t have surprised me when he asked after listening to George Bush’s final SOTU address why he should work so hard and be so responsible when, once he’s successful, people will call him greedy and evil, and will be angry with him because he feels that he has a right to the money he’s earned and should be able to spend it the way he wants to.

“How does that make you feel?” I remember asking him. “That just sucks”, he replied.

Yes, that does ‘just suck’.

I must divulge that “15” is a political junkie, well, at least above average for his age.  Being the middle child, he is the master of the "Fairness Card" , so much so that 'reason' dictates his entire philosophy and my explanations undergo the utmost scrutiny at all times. He is also a sarcastic little beast. His humor is dry and unexpected, so when you add to the fact that he is a teenager (and we all know how dramatic teenagers can be), I shouldn’t have been surprised at this next incident:

Recently “15” asked what the backpack sitting on the dining room table was for. I explained that there was a collection going on for children in need, so I bought a backpack to donate. His immediate response was “that’s a good thing, because if it came from the government, they’d only get a pencil to go into the backpack for the same amount of money.”

At least he’s got good business sense, right?  Don’t worry “15”. Let them call you names for how you choose to spend your money. At least someone with a shiny new backpack will be pleased with your choice.

Packing my bags!

Wow!  I almost want to move to NJ with this dude as Governor!  I said almost; I am Southern, after all.

Take a listen to him. 


I've heard on the news cycles for quite some time that NJ was in some pretty bad shape.  Unemployment funds having been raided for years akin to stealing from employee pocketbooks, the state has borrowed money to balance it's budgets, raised taxes to an unsustainable level rather than cutting services, corporate tax rates have elevated to such a level that new and existing jobs are a thing of the past. Citizens are moving to Florida at a higher rate and lower age than the norm because they can no longer afford to live there. Think along the lines of California and the pitiful shadow of a state it has become.  This is now NJ.  No wonder there's such a strong Tea Party movement! 

Saturday Showcase

I thought this idea would be fun, especially for family that live far away, sharing little episodes of our lives.  Each Saturday I will post a random pic and detail why it is significant to me, or at least that's the intent.  Being that all my photos are stored on my PC rather than printed and organized into a beautifully architectured scrapbook, this shouldn't be too difficult a task.

To start, my friend Amie from New York will be making a pitstop at our house this weekend during her family's visit to the Sunshine State.  I met Amie and several other close mommy friends online many moons ago.  We first met face-to-face last summer when 3 of the girls and I took a break from the real world and enjoyed a lovely ladies weekend in Daytona.  I must be somewhat cool being that she's coming back, and bringing her family with her this time!

When I first learned her visit was a definate, we had a teaser of spring in the air.  Temps had pushed upwards toward's the 80's, the mercury was climbing in the water temp (with a little help), and visions of frozen drinks and water guns were on my mind. As luck would have it, here we now sit at 50 degrees, ok we might hit 60 today. DAMN that groundhog!!!  It's highly unlikely there will be any swimming, but given they're from NY, it might be AOK for them. I'll watch from the sidelines thankyouverymuch.

They arrive tomorrow, but until new photos are taken and frivously downloaded onto my pc somewhere (anywhere, I still haven't figured out how to download photos to specific folders), here's a pic from our last visit.  That's Amie there on far right.  She's trouble, so don't let the smile fool you.  Also in this pic from L to R is Amy from NC, whose blog I've linked to in the right column of this page, and Dana from CO, whose blog I've also linked to. Check them out!

Here's another pic from that same weekend in Daytona.  It was nice having permission to act silly.

Happy Saturday!

Fun Friday

“10” has an issue with baby teeth. Just like him at times, his teeth just don’t seem to wanna let go. However, the orthodontist says it’s time to move on over and let the big boys play. Four little teeth were removed yesterday and he was the champion of all champs. I’d say the promise of an all-ice cream dinner had the most to do with his demeanor.

Here’s “10” several years ago showing off a lost tooth. Digging the Kool-Aid stained lips. See how cooperative he was?

And here’s “10” today. The numbness hadn’t yet worn off, he couldn’t smile, and was quite perturbed that I had the audacity to try and capture this moment forever.

Arghhhhh!

“You don’t need to shout if you use the right words”

It’s obvious that whoever said that never had children.

I’m a yeller. I have little patience and a short temper. At the same time, my children are consistently making fun of me for being a colossal sap. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Not one of my finest qualities, but there you are.

Most yell days are roused by school grades. I should be thankful, it could be worse. Today was another day of yell. My husband and I have feuded with “17” most of his academic life. Perhaps you have one of these kids, too? The kind that thinks school is for dummies, homework is redundant, tests are mundane, and reading books, especially those written by dead people, is indeed a roadmap to Loserville.

“17” is a bright child, and I’m not just saying that because I’m his mom. We have scores to prove it. So there. As is typical with a bright child, “17” can pick up an instrument of choice and play, by ear no less, till the sun no longer shines. That’s his passion; his groove. I’m confident he inherited this from me, but that’s not the point.

It’s the ultimate let-down when, as parents, you have done everything you possibly can to force-feed motivation to your child- from verbal cues, to tutors, to teacher conferences (God bless their souls!), to psychologists, to physicians, to reward systems, to removal of privileges, to threats of bodily harm. Nope, “17” is going to be a Rock Star when he grows up. He doesn’t need English (actually, that's kind of true if evidenced by current pop culture).  He’d drop out of school today and join a traveling band if I’d give a thumbs up.

I shamefully admit, high school was rarely a challenge for me. I was given the work and did it well, when I wasn’t being reprimanded for talking (or painting my fingernails). I not only understood the mechanics of Chemistry and Algebra, but they were my favorites. But then at some point I became bored, I wasn’t challenged, I didn’t see the point, I had better things to do than to sit in a classroom, and nearly failed out of 11th grade because of my apathy (among other things, but those will lead me on another tangent and I’ll never finish this post.) So I "get" where he’s coming from. I do.

But this is my kid we're talking about! This can’t happen! Not on my watch!

As a parent, you shudder at visions of your soon-to-be vagabond adult child wandering the streets (of Chicago, in a recession, with gangstas, and a machete) and just know his “situation” is a direct result of something you failed to do during his upbringing. It’s all your fault. If only there were a guarantee that that special spark will appear sooner rather than later, letting you know that your child now “gets it” and will become a successful, responsible adult. That spark hasn’t enveloped “17” just yet, so today, all I can do is yell.  It does nothing for him, but it sure makes me feel like I've done something.

Which brings me to this article on a proposal in WV to raise the dropout age in order to decrease the number of dropouts:

Lowering West Virginia's high school dropout rate could be as simple as raising the age at which students can leave school from 16 to 17, lawmakers heard Tuesday.

Not sure it will do anything for students, but it might make lawmakers feel better anyway. Hmmm.

Washington vs Main St

Random thoughts on Jake Tapper's 2/9/10 interview with the President:

TAPPER: But just to play devil's advocate on that, a small business, let's say -- not somebody who's going to be affected by the regulatory reform, a small business -- you have proposed, you would acknowledge, a bold agenda, and a small business might wonder, "I don't know how the energy bill is going to affect me. I don't know how the health care reform bill is going to affect me. I better hold off on hiring."

 PRESIDENT OBAMA: Yes, the small businesses that I talk to -- and I've been talking to a lot of them as I've been traveling around the country over the last several months -- their biggest problem is right now they can't get credit out of their banks, so they're uncertain about that. And they're still uncertain about orders. You know, do they just have enough customers to justify them doing more? It's looking better at this point, but that's not the rationale for people saying, "I'm not hiring." Let me put it this way. Most small businesses, right now -- if they've got enough customers to make a profit and they can get the bank loans required to boost their payroll, boost their inventory and sell to the customers, they will do so, OK?

-Eeeks!  This is going to sting whenever someone brings up the point (again) that folks in Washington have a fundamental disconnect with the folks on Main St.

-As I posted here over the weekend, credit lines are the least of our problems.  

-Isn't forced lending with no guarantee of a return on the investment what got Fannie and Freddie in trouble in the first place? 

As an aside and completely unrelated to small businesses, a headline popped up this morning that reminded me of a conversation with my mother last week.  We were discussing pensions and gold and savings bonds and Medicare- you know, typical casual mother-daughter talk.  I had asked her 'WTH is going to happen to our markets when China gets angry and decides to sell off our bonds'?  Guess it's on China's mind, too.

Yes! The left and right can co-exist!

I love politics.  Election days are my Super Bowl.  I still remember the day (yes, there was a specific day) that I saw my political light. Aside from loving politics, I love to talk. I love a challenge. I love to learn. And I'm pretty bold.

When I was pregnant with "10" I stumbled upon a parenting discussion board with the goal in mind to converse with mommies at the same stages in their pregnancies as me.  Then I saw it.  A little niche in the forum contents that I knew was created just for me- a debate forum. Cue the trumpets. 
 
Diving right in, I could no longer be happy simply being a participant.  I had to become a moderator. In charge, right where I belong.  As if debating isn't challenging enough, I had a co-moderator, one with completely different political views as me.  Hold on to your hats, folks!  
 
This little northern California lovely gave me a run for my money, inspired me, pissed me off, made my cry (from laughing), made me cry (from hurting), lent me cause to keep trying, gossiped with me on the phone, and challenged me every chance she could.  She never once called me names because of my political views or ideas.  She was my friend.   
 
Time grew more valuable because there was less of it. Our children were growing up, and for those of you with older children, you know what I'm talking about.  You know what a carpool really means now.  You know because the mileage that used to tick slowly on your odometer suddenly appears to be powered by rocket fuel.  You really know what homework means now.  Hello? Algebra II?  Like you remember any of that crap! You have at least one of the following, or a variation thereof: The Practical Jokester, The Rebel, The Drama Queen, or The Bump on a Log. You have realized that life with a yound child really wasn't all that bad, and are praying (loudly) to the Almighty Savior for the adolescent phase to please, please, please be over. Now. 
 
At any rate, the debates dwindled down as our free time did.  But we've kept our online friendship up, every day, and likely always will.  From time to time I'll read debate forums and recognize just how nasty people can be with each other- the name calling, the personal attacks, the complete lack of composure and decorum.  It makes me queasy- ME of all people! I've got pretty thick political skin! But it also makes me thankful for my former co-moderator and our preference to see each other first as friends, moms, working women, doing the best we can in this fast-paced life.  Our end goals are nearly identical.  Our means are frequently different.  There's no reason to get ugly about it.
 
My point is that I believe politics don't have to become a vehicle to just be hateful to one another; most times just to feel better about your own positions.  Heated disagreements, sure, they will exist.  School yard bullying and name-calling? I'm right there with all of you other women who are turned off by politics and therefore just don't give a damn.  Hey, when your days involve attempts to rationalize with teenagers, who needs this other crap?  Really. I get it. 
 
Until the rest of the political world gets it, Nikki, my little San Fran Lib, you are the creme de la creme. You are on my mind today, and thought you should know it.
 
BTW, after all the hours of my adult life I've devoted to you, I should at least get flowers....

Super Bowl Sunday!

It's Super Bowl Sunday folks!  I have grown to truly enjoy the game of football, but let's face it, it's another work day for most women.  Super Bowl Sunday at my house typically begins with a carefully planned menu 2 weeks ahead of time, because I'm the WifeMom, and am most assuredly the provider of all snacks, dinner, desserts, you name it.

Bowl Food matters.  For any other celebration of sorts, my men are perfectly content with Beenie Weenies On A Plate, even for Christmas Dinner.  But there are expectations for Super Bowl.  For example, when I reported to "10" that I was making triple chocolate chunk cookies for Super Bowl (actually, I was fishing for his approval), he hadn't said one word about the deliciousness that this cookie is.  He wanted to know if the cookies would be football-shaped.  Woops, I hadn't planned "shaping" and "piping" time into my very intense schedule!  With a hint of disappointment, he then asked if they would at least be helmet-shaped. An enormous FAIL sign figuratively popped over my head as he walked away, ashamed that his mother wasn't taking more initiative for her children on this glorious day of all days.

Around noon, I will pour my first drink.  I'm going to need it, it's Sunday, it's Super Bowl Sunday no less, so get off my back!  I will prepare all the goodies and lay them out with love, because I'm the WifeMom.  (Psstt...don't tell them, but they're getting frozen chicken wings this year. They'll never know the difference.)  I will make sure the Viewing Area is free of clutter and debris, ensure there's plenty of ice and drinks and napkins (that WILL be used, much to their protest), I will select appropriate music for pre-game enjoyment, I will light scented candles (because it matters to me), I will prepare (non-alcoholic) strawberry daquaris for the children because I love them, and I will toast to the day chanting "Bring It On"!

My husband must watch all the pre-game commentary, during which time I may not speak to him. At all.  My little men will be busy around the food table, eating as much as possible so there's nothing left for the actual game, and then cry foul about it.  I will take this time to Facebook from my Blackberry on the lanai in isolated bliss while sipping my fruity drink away. 

Finally, FINALLY, the national anthem will be sung, which is the highlight of the show, if you ask me.  We'll eat, drink, eat, drink, laugh, yell, make weird and sometimes obscene gestures with our faces and limbs and digits. We'll mock the commercials, and the half-time show, and await the 3rd quarter whistle. 

Then it happens.  My Responsibility Meter kicks into full gear. I've had enough drinks and have worked so hard by this time to send me on a 7-year snooze, and realize that I have to work the next day.

Total.Thunder.Stealer. 

I'll auto-set the coffee, pop 2 Advil, look around at the mess that is now my house, say 'screw it', and carry myself off to bed.  Not that I care at this point, but I can just find out who won online in the morning.  As I'm dozing off, I'll hear the hurrahs and boos screaming from the family room, and smile a little smile for job well-done.  I love you, men in my life. Night-Night.

The Small Business Sleight of Hand

My youngest son, "10", skips into the house after-school one day waving a field trip permission slip- *the* field trip of all field trips. I read the form and notice that the money is due tomorrow (GASP!) and only exact change can be sent. We’ll overlook the fact that said form has been hiding in his desk at school until this day, and jump straight to the fact that I only have a $20 bill in my wallet, and exact change would be $10.00. I’m not willing to gamble the loss of $10.00 (that will supply me with 2 containers of drug store lipstick!), so I’m forced to bow my head and go Mr. Moneybags, my oldest son, "17", to see if he has change for his mother.

"17" checks his wallet and reports, with an approving, confident grin on his face, “Well, I have a $10 bill and a $5 bill. Tell you what, you give me your $20, I’ll give you my $15, and then you can give me the remaining $5 the next time you go to the bank.”

Did you catch that little sleight of hand? I’ve told this story to relatives, who actually care about my daily conversations with my children, and it went right over their heads. They saw it immediately as Problem Solved, 10 gets to go on his field trip, and all is right in the world!

What’s the point to this story, you ask? As is happening across the country, the business climate in our town is suffering. Our little suburbia thrives on mom-and-pops, small business franchises, and the service industry. My salon, for example, has more empty chairs than full now, a complete reversal from just a year ago. While we won’t discuss the level of sheer panic I went through after learning my stylist was let go, the stylist it took me 30+ years to find, businesses are hurting with fewer customers, and /or existing customers with smaller discretionary spending budgets.

As a small business owner myself, I listened with intent to President Obama announcing at a town-hall style event in New Hampshire last week that he will be introducing job-creation measurements for small businesses, the engines of America, in a few different ways.  (Don't lose me here, I swear you'll be able to follow, even if you hate the idea of taxes, the government, and politics!):

1. Channel funding through banks or the SBA to make loans more available to SB owners

2. Issuing a $5,000 tax credit for every “net” new worker hired in 2010

3. Reimbursement for Social Security taxes paid when existing wages are increased

4. Cutting capital gains taxes on investments

5. Write-off instead of depreciate “newly” purchased assets, another tax cut measure.

Sounds FANTASTIC right? Problem solved, employers will be hiring, people will have jobs and income, (which also means their discretionary spending budgets will increase), and all is right in the world. Wait for it; wait for it…see that sleight of hand? Sounds good, until you reeeaallllly think about what’s being proposed.

Let’s back up just a moment and look at this in the eyes of, say, the owner of my salon; a mom like me, a pro like me, and a taxpayer like me. Breaking it down looks a little like this:

1. A small business loan will be TERRIFIC for my salon owner if she is adding chairs, dryers, or moving to a larger facility. But with fewer customers, she can’t fill the space she already owns. When funds to meet her payroll begin depleting, she’s not going to take a loan out to cover the expense. She’s going to lay stylists off until business picks back up, or, she will take a cut in her own income to get over the hump. This incentive simply isn’t going to do anything for her.

2. A $5,000 tax credit per “net” new employee will be TERRIFIC if salon owner had the aforementioned customer spending to justify hiring a new employee. But she doesn’t. She has empty chairs, meaning fewer customers, as it is. This incentive simply isn’t going to do anything for her.

3. For the stylists that are still there and deserving of a pay raise, a social security tax “reimbursement” would be TERRIFIC, if the aforementioned customer spending picked up and the books allowed expansion of payroll to existing employees. Additionally, #2 and #3 would only be for 2010, what about the next 10-20 years of payroll expenses outside of salary, you know, like, matching Social Security "contributions", unemployment insurance, workers comp, health benefits, and other expenses. This incentive simply isn’t going to do anything for her.

4. Capital gains taxes will not apply to her whatsoever unless she sells her business, or purchases equipment that doesn’t depreciate. Chairs depreciate. So do dryers. So does any other equipment that she might purchase that enables her business to operate. This incentive simply isn’t going to do anything for her.

5. Again, unless the aforementioned customer spending picks up justifying the addition of newly purchased assets, the tax incentive to write-off those newly purchased assets simply isn’t going to do anything for her.

People in business, that plan to STAY in business, have enough sense not to spend beyond their means just for the sake of a tax credit, especially when they are having to lay off their personnel just to make ends meet. As my little handy dandy financial graph has shown me in my own business (in foresight and in hindsight), we saw our revenue take a swan-dive back in 2002, suffering from the same repercussions from 9/11 as everyone else. Nothing was done to encourage us to hire or retain staff, except those infamous, ever-hated tax cuts. Our business recovered, we have been thriving ever since, until about 6 months ago when TARP spending came into play. Now we’re scared to death to do anything with our business except maintain the status quo. At any rate, those, infamous, ever-hated tax cuts will expire at the end of this year with no plan for extension, much less a permanent extension.

For my salon owner, what this means is that not only can she barely afford to keep what little staff she has left, nor will she benefit from any of the “incentives” being offered by the federal government, but now she will also take a 5% penalty on her personal income taxes once the infamous, ever-hated tax cuts expire. 5% on $100 isn’t a lot of money; no big deal. But because she is a small business owner, she will claim her “business” income on her personal income taxes. Now think about that. 5% on her business income is enough to pay an employee for a year, and does! If she keeps that money, her employee keeps her job.  If she pays that money in increased taxes, you can bet your 'tax cuts' that the employee will lose her job.  Again, that bait-and-switch technique rears its ugly face.

The President is doing his best to promote entrepreneurial confidence by outlaying his hiring/spending incentive plans, yet on the other hand, he will stifle any confidence in hiring/spending once he allows the tax cuts to expire- the one and only thing that business owners are directly benefitting from when consumer spending is at an all time low. Sure, those infamous, ever-hated tax cuts won’t do anything to promote job growth in my salon owner’s world, but it will allow her to keep just one more person off the unemployment line.

Until the economy picks back up and consumers are freely spending their discretionary income, those infamous, ever-hated tax cuts are about the only thing that will make all right in her world, and millions of others just like her.

For the record, because of "17"’s little bait-and-switch technique (and evidently a well-developed one), poor "15" and "10" were forced to endure a 3-hour tutorial on basic economics, lest "17" comes after them next.